Journey to Authenticity

Where's Karen?

I have to admit something. I have completely gone over the edge. I am now:

 

   

                                  OBSESSED 

And crazy with it, too...

It's the election that's doing it to me...first thing in the morning, before I've even brewed a cup of coffee, I turn on the laptop and start checking the news. I get Nathan ready for school and see him off on the bus...and then go back to the laptop. I do a little yoga, and go back to the laptop. I eat breakfast in front of the laptop. I eat lunch in front of the laptop. I make Nathan his snacks and dinner...and go back to the laptop.

Every single day, I fully intend to read something other than election news and stats. Like, maybe, my friends' blogs. I even intend to write a little something for my own blog. So I sit down, bring up Typepad, and then think, "I'll just check out fivethirtyeight.com. And that's my downfall...from the latest in election poll results, I move onto The Washington Post and CNN. Then it's Salon and Slate, and before long, it's The Huffington Post and Daily Kos.

It gets worse.

In my desire to see how everyone is spinning everything, I go to places like Fox News. I want to know what my in-laws are seeing, so I go The Detroit News. I check out my hometown paper, The Battle Creek Enquirer. Even that isn't enough--I have to see how the world is viewing this election (if they are viewing it at all). I check out BBC News and The New Zealand Herald (Hi, Hay!!) I've even gone so far as to read the Frankfurter Allgemeine. In German.

I've tried going cold turkey, but that makes it worse. The iron will lasts only briefly before the obsession busts through--and before I know it, I'm coming up for air four hours later with blurred vision, a headache and cramped wrists.

Today, I'm trying bargaining--post something, and THEN look at The New York Times. Comment on three blogs, and THEN pull up Real Clear Politics.

This post is finished, so I'm off to dip my toes in the world of news. It remains to be seen if I manage to keep myself from diving in headlong for a complete submersion...

 

 

 

Truly, I hadn't planned on being a diva about my blog...

My parents unexpectedly decided to come for a visit.

This is actually a good thing, but what with the semi-massive cleaning (massive is saved for the in-laws--my parents already know what my housekeeping standards are and I see no reason to mess with their expectations) and the entertaining/spending time with them, blogs (mine and others') have fallen by the wayside. Though I can do a million things at once, I apparently can't do a million and one. (And the large quantities of champagne I tend to drink with Mom aren't helping.)

So...they're staying until next Thursday or Friday. I would like to do some blogging (and blog reading) before then, but I'm not too hopeful. I'll be back though--I promise!!

When Saying "No" Isn't An Option

Mark took the day off and we spent it together, just the two of us. We walked along the Little Patuxent River and then went out for breakfast at one of our favorite restaurants. We did the weekly grocery shopping and visited a bookstore. After all that, it was still just noon, so we decided to go to one of our favorite browsing/shopping places. An old mill that's been converted to shops and studios, it's filled with quirky gifts, beautiful artwork, interesting craft-stores, unique jewelry, antiques, and even a French bakery.

Other than buying a small gift for a friend, I really wasn't there to shop. I just wanted to wander through the maze of stores, soaking up the beauty and creativity. It's an inspiring place for me, a place that reminds me of who I am and what I want to be and do. And today, I kept seeing the actual words "Live, Love, Laugh" in various forms, in various shops and stalls. The Universe was being more blunt than usual, and I began to think about this message. The vibrated in my body. Again and again I saw the words. Again and again I thought, "Is this supposed to my life's theme?" 

Then, I turned the corner and met Belle.

 

First, I laughed with delight. Next, tears filled my eyes. She was everything I'd been feeling, manifested into a work of art. "Live, Love, Laugh" indeed.

Of course my rational mind came to the forefront. It pointed out that the economy is not so great right now, and maybe I should be saving rather than spending. It also pointed out that I have two curious cats and a somewhat clumsy kindergartner. I stared longingly for a few minutes and then walked away.

We both needed a pick-me-up, so Mark and I headed for the French bakery. We sat outside with our pastry and coffee, listening to music. I kept thinking about Belle.

"I wonder how much she costs," I finally blurted out.

"Let's go back and see," Mark immediately answered.

We quickly finished our little meal and made our way to the shop. We walked over to the shelf and Mark reached up, bringing her down for me. She was even more beautiful in my hands, and I knew at that moment that this was one of those rare finds that haunt you for years, should you be so foolish as to pass it by.

We're decades away from retirement and I can always put Belle up high.

I said an exuberant "Yes!" to the laughing woman.

 

Remind me again why having children is a good thing...

A verbatim account of my first conversation of the day with Nathan.

Me: You're cute!

Nathan: You're old!

Happy...Rather Unproductive, But Happy Nonetheless...

I'm feeling extraordinarily good these days.

I don't know if this is the happy upswing of my manic/depressive self (and me sobbing on the floor is just around the corner), or if the St. John's Wort is finally kicking in (and please, join me in the crossing of the fingers and the silent prayers that it IS the latter and not the former), but I'm seeing my life as being pretty damn fine (and this is in spite of our 401ks tanking).

Now I just have to figure out what's going on with this blog. I've been looking back at past entries, and it seems like I completely lost momentum after Mark got struck down with kidney stones. I'm not really sure what's happening, but I've been feeling a bit inhibited with the public writing--and the longer it continues, the worse the inhibitions (and the low self-confidence that seems to go with it) get. It's making me flashback to my first year in grad school when I did not speak in class for two semesters. Not a word. With that, I was terrified of interacting with anybody--I'd been silent for so long, that I felt I had to be brilliant when I finally did open my mouth. No pressure there, eh? (Is there an emoticon for a horrified shuddering? 'Cos that's what just passed through my body upon remembering THAT hell.)

Anyway.

I've thought about just chucking the blog completely...but that makes me sad. Still, I just haven't been able to get my butt in gear about writing entries. And I'm even starting to lose my focus. What is it all about? Do I want to be reflective? Amusing? Creative? Inspiring? All of the above?

Has anybody else gone through this? And if so, any advice for this cheerfully confused soul?